I had the most amazing riding holiday in South Africa...

South Africa 1991

21^st March ~

‘I wish you could stay longer.’

‘So do I,’ I said, as we walked round to heave my luggage into a waiting car.

‘Sophie, I wanted to ask: would you like to consider becoming my partner in the horse safaris?’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘I’d love to, Sarah-Jane but I can’t. I’ve too many commitments.’

‘Uncommit.’

‘It’s not that easy, I’m half way through my contract with the BBC.’

‘London will be horrid,’ she insisted.

‘Yes, but,’ I said, leaning against the car, trying to explain, ‘I’ve agreed to direct a long-running drama series.’

‘I know.’

‘It’s such a good opportunity. I can’t turn it down.’

‘I would have loved your help here.’

‘Rebecca might come. She’s a fantastic cook.’ Sarah-Jane and I pulled ourselves up onto the boulders so that we could see her little camp below with the horses milling around in the kraal. I tried hard not to cry.

‘It’s good that you came.’

‘Yes, it has been wonderful, much more than a holiday.’ I stood looking out across the vast, wild country through which we’d ridden. It was still early in the morning and quite cold. The mountains were standing dark against the rays of the rising sun. A huge grief welled up inside me; I didn’t want to go at all. Tears started streaming down my face.

‘Sarah-Jane.’ A voice came out of the darkness. ‘You left your revolver under the front seat of my Land Cruiser.’ The Game Warden had come to look for her. Time for me to go.

‘Goodbye, Sarah-Jane. And thank you for such an amazing time. I’m sure things will work out.’

‘Come back as soon as you can.’

‘I will. Goodbye.’ I drove off towards Johannesburg and an aeroplane that would take me back to what I thought I had to do.

At this point my life became very busy indeed - until 9th April, when my diary begins. The diary of my encounter with Chronic Fatigue.